I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
