what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
