i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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