Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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