hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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