Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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