She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
