my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Your penis caused this!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
