it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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