Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
