My brain says no but my pants say off.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
