I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
