Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
