Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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