youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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