my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
