I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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