I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
two words...techno handjob
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
