My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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