'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
