Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize