I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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