I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize