i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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