I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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