Me too!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
