His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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