so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
