you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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