I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
