Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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