he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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