just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
