I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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