I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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