he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
