Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize