Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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