Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
