He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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