my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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