The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
