Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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