It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
