She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
