It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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