he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
