I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
