My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
