Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
