I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
