I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
