she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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