you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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