So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it hurts more in the daytime
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
