My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
