I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
