I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
