why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
