I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize