i think my mom watched the whole time
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
