someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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