My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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