Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
