Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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