some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Randomize
