just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dear god my vagina.
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