I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I touched a dick in church today
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
