i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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